It rears it's ugly head again - Pride

This morning as I was talking with some other ladies, I had a break through moment. Do you know what I mean? One of those lightning bolt moments... the ahhh... LORD I am hearing you kind of thing.

For a while now (around 2 1/2 to 3 years) I have been praying for the LORD to help me to die to myself and to live for Him... as I have previously stated He has certainly been busy keeping up His end ... I have been being refined, broken and it is in the strangest way (only someone who understands what I am saying here can get) an incredible blessing.

I know I have mentioned the book I read on changing my attitude - using the example of the Israelites wandering for 40 yrs in the wilderness... along with that are other things He has been teaching and showing me. Any way all of it culminated this morning into that ahhh moment.

We were talking about as women who have moved the sense of identity loss we feel... and how we should not have our identity wrapped up in our job, friends, ministry, etc.... but that our identity (self worth) should be found in Christ. As we were talking all of these things God has been showing me, teaching me, verses kept popping into my mind... And there went off the light bulb!

PRIDE!!! Pride, it had me in it's grasp again... Pride in the things I had done, people's admiration, etc. I wanted to (silently, in my heart) boast in myself and not in the LORD! It was all about me and not about Him!!! Oh it just makes me sick... yet, I rejoice for my eyes have been open and behold I see my sin and I repent- Lord, I repent! Forgive me! Who am I that I am worthy of praise... I am nothing but dust, sinful flesh - saved by grace!!! I praise Him for His mercy, love & forgiveness... I praise Him for He is worthy! He is the Eternal, Everlasting God!!!

And even though I know this I have been desiring the praise of men, more than the praise of God - oh let it not be so! I feel like Paul when he said "I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do." (Rom 7:15 - see more click here). It is a continual battle with my flesh... However, I know that in Christ I can do all things, in Christ I have forgiveness, He supplies my strength and has given me His Spirit that I can overcome the flesh and walk in the Spirit... That I can live free! Abide, we have to abide - we cannot bear fruit apart from Him.... What good is a well if it has no water? He is the Living Water!!! He is what we all need... I am just a well... I can never be to anyone what they need nor can another be to me what I need - for all that I need is found in Christ Jesus!

Oh, LORD forgive my sinful pride... Thank you for opening my eyes to see this sin and thank you for your love and forgiveness. By Your power and Your strength enable me to walk rightly with You... to be Your humble servant, who loves you with all my heart, mind, soul, strength and who has the same attitude as that of Christ Jesus - bearing much fruit for Your glory!!! Amen.

You alone oh LORD are worthy of praise and to You be all the glory! I praise You my ever faithful, loving and present God!