Greater Love

I have been trying to figure out how to put in to words all that has been going on ... I am going to try to say it as simply and concisely as I can but knowing me it may not come out that way. I know I have told you before that I have felt the LORD refining me... it has been a journey of walking through the valley and seeing my own sinfulness... not fun but necessary.

For the last few days I have felt as if I am truly being emptied out, hollowed out if you will... and I am in a numb state at the moment... caught between the grief of my sin and the joy of my salvation. I wish I had better words to explain it in than in these terms... even to my own ears they sound pitiful at best in capturing what I wish to express.

I am the LORD's... I was bought with a price, not one I paid but one that was paid for me on the cross. And who am I but dust, flesh, sin... yet I am called, chosen and loved! The Maker of all that exist called my name, loves me and desires for me to know & love Him intimately. I have chills just thinking about it.

I have a few things I want to say here - one being I am sinful - I am prideful & I hate pride, even more God hates it! Too often I cling more to my own comfort, life if you will in this world instead of living for what counts - instead of living for the eternal purpose for which God created me. It grieves me... & I do not want to live this way. I want so badly to love God with all my heart and to live fully for Him... to walk in His ways & bring glory to His name... after all, all of "this" is all about HIM! It is all about God - if there is anything you take away from this post let it be that this life we are living is all about God, it is about a love greater than we can comprehend ... A God who loves us beyond measure and wants a relationship with us. I mean grasp this - the God who created us and doesn't need us wants us... and we the created thing who need God, most of the time think we can live and love without Him. I have been reading Crazy Love by Francis Chan... and in it he made a point about this... along with some other really great points... mostly about self examination and our love relationship with God. If you haven't read it yet you should... I have been convicted and again back to where this post started ... letting God empty me out... cleaning house so to speak.

I want to be rid of my fleshly/sinfulness and to be filled to over flowing with the Spirit - with love. I want less of me and more of God. I want God to come in and reign in my heart & mind - in every area of my life ... I want Him to take all of me, break me, make me and help me to live free... To love Him as He desires - absolutely, completely in awe, love and submission to Him... desiring Him above all else. And by doing so enabling me to love others. As Chan pointed out if I have trouble loving a perfect God, how can I possibly love sinful man... I need God's love in me to love others as I should.

I don't need more "positive" thinking, I don't need more "help" books, I don't need more head knowledge, I don't need all the things the world tells me I need... when all I need is God. I need to just sit at His feet and listen, I need to dwell upon His truth, I need to pray & pray & pray (and when I say this I do not mean a litany of prayer request but intimate prayer with God - loving Him, listening to Him..... again it is all about Him & not me). I need God's love, I need His mercy & grace... I need God. Not the blessings of God but God - the One & Only... He is life to me. He is God and there is no other. He is love. He is my Savior.

I am not sure what else to say - Except that I hope you come away from this with a desire & intent to get alone with God. To open up your heart and life fully to Him - to His love.

Do so and be blessed.